Gabi Garcia Declares She’s Done Fighting the Elderly, Moves on to Toddlers

“I need a challenge,” said the towering Brazilian femme fatale.

awkward shaka gabi

Gabi Garcia has until now taken the traditional Brazilian early-career route of fighting elderly cans in Japan, however she has declared that she is now over that stage and is ready to move onto the next phase in her career.

“I am ready to face whoever or whatever the promotion puts in front of me, no matter the size or age, as long as they are either much older or much younger and preferably much lighter. I am a consummate professional and an honourable martial artist OSSSSS,” Gabi said.

When pressed on whether she’s be interested in moving on to opponents of similar skill and size, and perhaps age, she gradually backed away shaking her head and pointing at her ear and saying “Sorry I am going through a tunnel now and I cannot hear you… You are breaking up… ckrkrkrrkr…. bzzzt… What’s that? I’m losing signal?” before backing into a blacked out limousine full of Japanese gangsters and burning off into the sunset.


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