Kim Jong Un Refutes Gracies’ Claim, Says He Invented Jiu Jitsu

Kim Jong Un at a lubricant factory, yesterday
Kim Jong Un at a lubricant factory, yesterday

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has released a statement claiming that he is the inventor of the martial art of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. According to the North Korean Press Agency, the Great Leader was walking one day when he was attacked by a bear. In his boundless compassion, not wanting to strike the bear, the fearless leader jumped on its back and subdued it by compressing it’s windpipe using only the strength of his arms.

The great leader then refined his techniques and bestowed them upon the people of Korea, who are now considered leaders in this worldwide sport.

“Each year the World Championships are held in Pyongyang. Each year the North Koreans are world champions. End of.”

The North Koreans are also pushing for a renaming of the sport to North Korean Jyoo Jitsoo. “The entire Gracie story is a lie,” says the Pyongyang based press agency. “Actually Helio Gracie came to visit Kim Jong Un once in the 70s. They had a pretty wild time and ended up fighting, with the great leader completely crushing the Brazilian. Helio became a student from that day on.”

Speaking from his own private gold-plated McDonald’s restaurant manned by dead-eyed staff, with cigar in hand, Kim Jong Un stated “I am the pinnacle of human development, the blood of my father runs in my veins and there is no man on earth who can defeat me in single combat. If there is, I’ll shoot him.”

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