BREAKING: Joe Rogan returns his black belt to Eddie Bravo, becomes full-time live-in student of John Danaher

Recently, John Danaher was a guest on the famous Onnit propoganda radio show known as the Joe Rogan podcast.

During that podcast, Danaher relentless questioned the usually upbeat Rogan on his jiu jitsu knowledge, reducing the radio host and Eddie Bravo black belt to a simpering mess who could only respond with grunts and shrugs of his well-developed shoulders.

“I felt like a white belt on my first day of jiu jitsu,” said Rogan, who has been training martial arts for most of his life. “Plus, I had the weirdest boner ever.”

Danaher masterfully manipulated Rogan throughout the show, backing him into philosophical corners then ruthlessly eviscerating him with no more than a few well-directed questions, all delivered in his dulcet kiwi tones.

“I’m done with LA, done with 10th Planet,” said Joe.

He has put his mansion up for sale and put all his possessions up on eBay (a leg stretching machine from the 90s, three “Chewbacca” kettlebells, a head razor and some frozen Elk steaks). “I’m keeping my hunting knife and I’m going to present it as a gift to Danaher when I get to New York. God I hope he accepts me into the squad,” said Rogan, picking out a rashguard that he hoped would please the dark lord.

It’s believed Danaher is sitting in the blue basement at Renzo’s now, awaiting the arrival of Rogan and slowly sharpening a large samurai sword, unblinking, all knowing, all seeing, not drinking a single glass of water…

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11 Comments

  1. I can’t believe I actually came to this bullshit website. Although, I’m thankful I did, because now I know this website is pure dog shit and I won’t be coming back ever again. Go Fuck yourself awkwardshaka

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