Definition of Creonte Updated to Reflect Delicate Nuances of Modern Day Jiu Jitsu

The term creonte is universally recognised as a word meaning “low down dirty traitorous scum”, and rightly so. Coined in the fifties by GrandMaster Helio Gracie (when he stood on the plug of his blender and yelled out creeeaaaaa in pain and anger), it since evolved as a derogatory term for someone who switches teams in jiu jitsu.

In jiu jitsu, the most important thing is undying, unquestioning loyalty to your instructor, no matter who he is or what he does. Never mind that you were once a naive white belt who knew nothing of the intricate politics of jiu jitsu and just walked into the nearest dojo – once you’ve walked through those doors, you are committed for life to that instructor. Don’t like it? Tough shit, you disloyal bastard.

creonte

However, today’s modern jiu jitsu turncoat is a sensitive beast, and the nomenclature required to describe said practitioner must be updated to reflect this. As a result, the International Council for Ethics among Jiu Jitsu Practitioners got together and decided to refine the definitions of this politically charged word, and the guidelines on how to treat them. The results are below.

Creonte: Someone who, due to circumstances beyond his control (work, family, hunger for glory, financial greed) had to switch teams. Unacceptable. This person is a failure at life and jiu jitsu.

Reonte: Someone who switched teams for any of the above reasons but soon realised the error of his ways, and switched back again (this person should be mostly shunned and forced to train with white belts for at least 6 months after rejoining the team).

Recreonte: someone who left, then returned, then decided to leave again. Literally Hitler.

Deonte: Someone who left his school but softened the blow to the teacher’s dignity by dropping out of jiu jitsu altogether, never to tie his belt again.

Careeronte: Someone who has had to move jiu jitsu dojos due to being posted overseas for work. Regardless, this person is still a scumbag.

Creontax: A totally legitimate fee you must continue to pay to your first instructor in order for them to still like you and talk to you at tournaments after you switch teams.

Halfonte: Someone who has switched schools but continues to train at his or her previous school simultaneously because they are terrified of hurting someone’s feelings and / or confrontation in general.

Hypocreonte: An instructor who was particularly vocal about a person or persons leaving the team, only to announce a few weeks later that he had switched teams and now everyone is on that other team now OK guys?

Sneakonte: When a practitioner wears a disguise and uses a fake name to train at a new school in secret.

Double-agente: When a practitioner is given permission to pretend to switch teams in order to spy on other practitioners who have recently switched team.

 

Any more suggestions? Let The Awkward Shaka know in the comments!

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7 Comments

  1. Haha so on the mark. I had to laugh on a couple of them because I’ve caught myself thinking the same about former team mates.

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  2. Yeah stupid article, tried reading and just skimmed through it. You must be a Gracie student lol have fun with your cards

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  3. I hate being that guy, so excuse me this thatguyness, but: it’s from the eighties, not fifties.
    “Creonte” comes from a famous 80’s Brazilian soapopera called Mandala. The character named Creonte was a jackass and a traitor. He has the same name as Jocasta’s brother in the Aedipus myth because, well, he was Jocasta’s brother (the soap opera was an adaptation of the story into 80’s Rio de Janeiro. Or São Paulo, I don’t remember).

    BUT your post is really funny regardless 😀

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  4. despite the lightheartedness and comical sarcasm, you actually portray the true pitfalls of jiu jitsu quite accurately. it is a petty sport run by petty people who try to control you in any way possible then lose ‘respect’ for you if you make different choices that negatively influence their bank accounts. this is why real men train sambo.

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