Confusion Over Whether ‘Gi’ or ‘No Gi’ Considered ‘The Dark Side’

“The gi is for old men and sex offenders,” says Mason Storm.

“I’d just always referred to no-gi as ‘the dark side’,” says Bill Transplants. “It was a given. If you train in the gi, you’re on the side of light. No gi, you’re basically Darth Vader. Or Palpatine. Maybe that guy with the red and black spikes on his face and the double sword thing.”

Transplant’s world was rocked recently though when he overheard two friends, who train at 10th Planet North Shwimbo, discussing training in the gi.

“One of them said, ‘I’d really like to just try it out. Go to the dark side, just for one session.’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The gi was the dark side now? How was this even possible?”

Mason Storm, local no-gi afficionado, says that gi training is old fashioned and unnecessary. “It’s useless in a real fight. I mean, who actually wears clothes anyway? It’s such an old man thing to do. I train for the streets, and the streets only. Sure I don’t learn how to punch and kick or any kind of weapons defense, but still… the streets.”

Storm, who was decked out in multicoloured grappling spats, jiu jitsu shorts, and an intricately designed rash guard, added: “Training in the gi is like cosplay. It’s so lame.”

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