John Rambunk, a student at the Academy of Warm Fluffy Feelings in Boise, Idaho, has decided that the blue belt life is not for him.
“All through my life I have really felt more like a black belt. I just love the way they are just so good at jiu jitsu. It’s not fair that only black belts get called Professor and get to win tournaments and teach classes and stuff. I’ve put in, like, two and three quarter years of training, it’s time for me fulfill my dream of being a black belt.”
Rambunk’s instructor, Professor Peter McPeterson, supports his student’s wishes. “If he feels like he is a black belt then who am I to deny his feelings? Feelings are the most important things in the world. It’s time to move on from the traditional dominance hierarchy of progressing through the belts and putting in years of hard work, failure, learning… It’s so old fashioned. We’re in the age of feelings now.”